sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
