I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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