I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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