Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
