I'm going to jail i love you
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
