i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
