And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
