I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
