I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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