actually, I'm a sock model
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
