I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
