If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
