I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Drake has all the answers
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
