Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize