if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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