Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
