dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
