I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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