I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
