Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
how drunk are you?
Several
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
