drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
This is my gift to your gina
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
