She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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