Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize