All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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