I wannas sexs uuuuu
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
