he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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