I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
