a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
