i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
