weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
