We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
