I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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