overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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