If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
