If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize