I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
