btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize