oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
