Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
