My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
