Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
