There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize