If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
