Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I smell stomach acid.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
