I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
