how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
