it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
