God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
