Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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