Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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