I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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