I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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