is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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