did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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