i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
