The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
