I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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