i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
