I think my vagina is haunted
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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