No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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