Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
