On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
