Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize