i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
