1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
