Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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