Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
