Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
