People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
