Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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