I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
