DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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