I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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