I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
