then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
