Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize