I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
