Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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