Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
