my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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