The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
