i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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