I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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