Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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