i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
