wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize