careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
