I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
nutella sex= disaster
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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