cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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