I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
