dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
